I Haven't Seen My Son Aidan For 158 Days & Counting: This Is My Pandemic Story

158 Days. Five months and counting. That’s how long it’s been since I held my 17-year-old son, Aidan.

I mean, I suppose many Moms of teenage boys don’t get regular hugs and kisses from their teenage sons, so maybe that doesn’t sound too shocking. The difference is, my son is very generous with his affection and doesn’t care if his peers don’t think it’s cool.

All he knows is love.

Aidan has Autism and an intellectual exceptionality. Due to his very high needs and limited resources here that will help to support him and provide him with the life skills and opportunities as he approaches adulthood, he resides in a wonderful congregate living facility in York Region.

We have been so thankful that we are able to have him home very often for weekend visits to Peterborough. On March 14th, he was home for a regular weekend visit. Our Minister of Education, Stephen Lecce, had already announced the two week closure of schools after March Break.

The Wells family: Kate, Aidan, Emma & Jason

The Wells family: Kate, Aidan, Emma & Jason

We were so lucky to have Aidan home that weekend, but to be honest, there wasn’t much fear and concern at that point about COVID-19. I mean, we certainly were more than aware about it, but we had no way of knowing what was around the corner. In fact, that last weekend Aidan was home was totally uneventful.

We picked him up from the home like we always do, and stopped at McDonalds for him as per his lunch request. We listened to Queen and sang along all the way home like we always do. He smiled and said hello to the cat and the dog as he walked in the front door.

He asked to play Minecraft and showered us all with hugs and kisses. Like most boys his age, his days centers around food and electronics and our weekends with him are all about what he wants to do. Our time with him is precious and we soak it all in.

That Sunday, we dropped him off back to the home as we always do. Big hugs and kisses and drove home to Peterborough excited to do it all again soon.

We had no idea how quickly things would turn.

The week of March Break, like the rest of the world, Ontario came to a screeching halt. Families who were vacationing outside of the Country soon panicked and were scrambling trying to get home. Big box stores started closing. The mall, restaurants—all empty. It all happened so fast.

Suddenly toilet paper, Lysol and flour were luxury items that were impossible to find. Everyone hung up their work clothes in exchange for track pants.

The world just stopped.

We clapped for our heroes who work in healthcare, decorated our windows to help spread cheer and well wishes for those who went to work so that we could stay safely home.

Even with all of these bizarre goings-on, I was still so naive. Then I got the letter: ALL VISITATIONS AND HOME VISITS ARE HALTED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

I was shocked. It never occurred to me that this would be a reality.

I mean, maybe it should have, but I was still in shock over the fact that we were living through a global pandemic.

Aidan

Aidan

So here we are, 158 days later.

We’re now at what we hope is the other side of COVID-19. We know the scientific realities, but there’s still so much unknowns. It has been so hard. For so many of us. We’ve all made sacrifices, a lot of families have been separated from loved ones. We are not alone. We know this.

Like many who have special needs, Aidan has no idea why he isn’t able to go home. He doesn’t know why he can't see his Mom and Dad or his sister whom he adores so much.

We have worked so hard with his incredible team of support, utilizing resources such as visual supports, stories in simple terms, hoping that it will help him to understand. We have no way of knowing. All we know is that he asks for Mommy and Daddy every day.

For several months, we had no communication with him. Talking on the phone is very difficult for him because hearing our voices is upsetting and confusing as he wants us there at that moment. He started to retreat to his bedroom in the Group Home.

The incredibly hardworking staff worked tirelessly to revamp his programming in order to help to “pull” him out of his funk and worked closely with professionals in order support his emotional needs. We got very creative. We wrote a book, we provided care packages of stuffed animals and small toys that would help to lift his spirits.

Some weeks he would be very receptive and would surprise us all, other weeks his behaviours would spike and he wouldn’t let anyone get close to him.

In July, he was starting to spiral back down. My once joyous, giggly boy, was becoming very depressed. He wanted to come home.

Why don’t you just go and get him and bring him home? He’s your son. They can’t stop you.

I imagine that is a common thought from well-intentioned people who don’t understand.

I wish it was that simple. We could bring him home, yes, but we wouldn’t be able to work. We would have to keep him home until there was a vaccine, or if sooner, he would have to be quarantined for 14 days. Impossible in a group home setting.

He needs his programming, he needs his resources that are so precious and necessary for his success. He needs the trained staff that support his very physical behaviours. He needs his routine. Bringing him home would be selfish of us. We would not be putting his needs first.

Facetiming with Aidan

Facetiming with Aidan

We are now Facetiming with him every single morning. We sing, we make silly jokes, and we show him his beloved dog and cat while they sleep and play in the background. We keep it light and, in those moments, he is happy and our hearts are so full. Still, he is struggling. We are struggling. We want him home.

In the first week of August, we excitedly listened to more and more announcements as the Province continued to re-open. Spas, indoor seating at restaurants, and even bars. More and more people were able to return to work, and more were reunited with loved ones.

Group Homes were able to have outdoor visits, 6 feet apart, supervised, wearing masks and must have a negative COVID test. All very promising, but not possible for Aidan nor for his peers in his home. This is very confusing and would be emotionally and physically more harm than good. As much as we wanted to jump in the car and see him, we had to think of what’s best for him.

So we wait.

158 days and counting.

School starts in a few weeks. In September, hundreds of thousands of students will flood the halls of school across Ontario. My son attends a Complex Special Needs classroom in a regular high school. Just like every single student, he has the right to an education.

I was so hopeful that the announcement of school openings would surely mean that Aidan and his peers would be able to go home to see their families.

No.

There has been no update for families whose loved ones reside in congregate living facilities.

None.

I have emailed and contacted every single MPP, Minister, the Premier, Prime Minister and many others. So far, a few have replied and are willing to listen.

We know we are not alone. Many other families and Caregivers are doing the same thing. We are heartbroken and we all feel like the disability sector have been forgotten and left behind.

Our loved ones matter.

My son matters.

He is loved, he is valued and he has rights.

He should not see his (wonderful) teachers and strangers at school, before he sees his immediate family.

I’m not writing this for sympathy, I’m wanting to spread awareness to this important issue.

I want my son to come home.

Now.

guest post by Kate Wells

 

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Peterborough Mom Returns To School, Posts Awesome Back To School Pictures & Message With Daughter

Peterborough Mom Returns To School, Posts Awesome Back To School Pictures & Message With Daughter

"It's never too late to follow your dreams."

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8 Local Women You Really Need To Meet

You know how you hear about this person or that person being super cool, and someone you ought to meet? Well here are a few amazing women in Peterborough and the Kawarthas we've compiled. If you ever get the chance to have coffee with them, don't pass it up. In no particular order, here we go...

1. Peggy Shaughnessy

For starters, Peggy is the owner of the legendary Whistle Stop at the corner of George & Charlotte—which has some of the best poutine (and conversation) you'll find anywhere on the planet. But much more than that, Peggy is an angel to the less fortunate in society—or those just struggling in their day to day lives. She is a tireless crusader who helps people who come in off the street looking for help or through her mental health Redpath programs she runs across Canada. She is also one of the funniest people you'll ever meet, a great storyteller—and an even greater listener.

2. Maryam Monsef

Maryam is the current Federal Liberal candidate for Peterborough [UPDATE: and now MP] and was a close runner-up in the Peterborough mayoral race last fall. Politics aside, she has an infectious energy and attitude toward life. She believes anyone—regardless of age, race, gender or experience—can change the world through courage, passion, conviction and knowledge. She's living proof of that. She also totally loves Peterborough—it saved her life—and knows that everyone has a story to share, and that anyone can make a difference.

3. Sofie Andreou

Sofie is known for her passion of leveraging the power of online marketing—speaking and training people in Peterborough and far beyond. But she is also a community ambassador, with her countless roles with supporting local charities and business initiatives and economic development. This entrepreneur has instrumental roles with Women's Business Network (WBN) and the Bears' Lair Entrepreneurial Competition. She's also witty, supportive and helpful to all—a great sounding board. A true community builder.

4. Leslie Bradford-Scott

On a cash crop farm in Bailieboro, Leslie has the makings of a global empire with her funky gift products for men and women put out by her company Walton Wood Farm. Leslie has written award-winning screenplays but one could also write a screenplay about her own life—see her quirky "Owner's Story" here. She sees the great comedy in life's situations, which is reflected in her hilarious display copy and fresh approach on her Walton Wood products. Her story is one of perseverance, fortitude—and humour—and it's no wonder her business is taking off. If you meet her, you'll see why she has all the right ingredients to succeed. And she'll likely share some great nuggets of wisdom with you.

 

5. Kate Wells

Kate is a passionate autism advocate—often live tweeting the daily ups and downs of living with a child of autism. Kate is remarkably transparent about the huge extremes of dealing with her teenage autistic son Aidan, giving us a raw look into the impact it has on her family and mental health. But Kate's attitude is amazing through the highs and lows, and if you meet her in real life you'll see why. She's smart, funny, self-deprecating and insightful all at once. And she could care less about being judged. She owns her own life. Oh, and she is also a great writer who one day we'd like to see write a book about living with autism—an extended version of her Twitter handle.

6. Cindy Crowley

Cindy pictured with her husband Dave

Cindy pictured with her husband Dave

Cindy co-owns Ricky’s All Day Grill with her husband Dave. She makes comfort food there, but also is comfort food. When you meet Cindy, you feel like you've known her forever—like re-connecting with a long-lost friend or family member. Cindy is a life-long resident of Peterborough and is supportive of all things that build community. Say hi to her next time you're at Ricky's and see you'll see what we mean.

7. Kemi Akapo

Kemi has the best smile in Peterborough—but that's just the beginning. A passionate community advocate and social activist, Kemi is Settlement Services Coordinator at New Canadians Centre—and earlier this year was an NGO delegate at United Nations Commission on the Status of Women in New York, attending as a representative of the YWCA. She also has a great radio voice—and is a terrific interviewer—hosting a People of Peterborough show on Trent Radio. Meet her if you can.

8. Anne Arnold

The former Director of Business Development at The Venue, Anne is also a wife, mom, nana, volunteer and passionate community ambassador. She's been involved with many organizations and charities over the years, including International Dragon Boat Festival, Habitat for Humanity Women Build Committee, Easter Seals Telethon Committee, Canadian Cancer Society's Relay for Life and more. She can offer great wisdom and advice based on her years of experience in business and volunteering. Oh, and she once took Bobby Orr waterskiing in Parry Sound. But we'll let her tell you about that.

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